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[fleurdesel]

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Adelaide

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[eviscerates]

Is that a comment on my figure, Captain? I'm hurt.

[fleurdesel]

Mages are not often known for their upper body strength, Red.

[eviscerates]

You did catch me once before, though.

[fleurdesel]

You'd been impaled. Panic and spite are excellent motivators.

[eviscerates]

"How to get ripped in 30 days, the panic and spite method. Call in the next thirty minutes to receive a free 2 litre tub of premium body oil to make them shine."

( Except some jokes really don't translate inter-world that well, do they? )

Never mind. I choose to imagine that you will be adrenaline pumped whenever I'm swooning.

[fleurdesel]

...You cannot see me, but you are more than welcome to assume that I am giving you quite a look, Red. An unimpressed one. I am certain you have seen me direct it at Church at the very least.

[eviscerates]

Don't worry, I'm giving myself the same look.

( no, really. why is she this way? )

So, just feel free to tune out maybe forty percent of what I say.

[fleurdesel]

I assume it references some manner of merchant product hawking in your home world?

[eviscerates]

Late night infomercials, yeah. They're weirdly hypnotic. You know you could just-- well, you could silence them or make them disappear, effectively, but somehow you just keep watching. And sometimes you buy things and then have to explain why it is you now own a really fancy set of kitchen knives.

[fleurdesel]

...how fancy are these knives? Gilded, sharpened to a fine edge, enchanted to toast the bread as you slice?

[eviscerates]

Well, one was electric - which is to say it the blade would move independently to help carve meat. I'm not sure exactly why that made it better at carving, but it was very important to me at three o'clock in the morning.

A toasting knife would be awesome though. I wonder if that could be done.

[fleurdesel]

It has been done. Roul was bored and disliked having cold bread in the mornings and worked out a milder enchantment than one might have for a flaming sword.

[eviscerates]

You know, if you wanted to raise money for the Mage Council, going into business with enchanted toasting knives wouldn't be the worst plan in the world. I've heard worse ideas.

( like mary margaret and leroy's pitches when trying to sell like a thousand candles for the nuns but whatever )

[fleurdesel]

Most of us are content to offer our services or brew specialty potions and ointments, but I will get right on suggesting lightly enchanted bread knives. They would probably sell quite well up north, honestly.

[eviscerates]

So you could make special magical butter for the first thirty buyers of an enchanted bread knife, basically.

( so so so serious
she is not struggling to keep a straight face at all, never mind that Adelaide can't see her, no )

[fleurdesel]

Butter that is resistant to spoiling and tastes of honey. [ A beat. ] That is actually not a terrible idea.

[eviscerates]

See? Although you could maybe just straight up mix butter and honey, it's a natural preservative. Not... sure if that'll actually work, but the technicalities are your area, so.

[fleurdesel]

I would have to consult a creamery- or a cook. They would know better than I, honestly.

[eviscerates]

It's a good thing you have so much free time to fill with random projects.

[fleurdesel]

Perhaps I ought to delegate this research to my assistant. I am certain she can find a satisfactory answer.

[eviscerates]

( THE MOST LONGSUFFERING GROAN
that ends with laughter
but that's irrelevant )

Sorry I didn't hear that, the crystal must be breaking up or something.

[fleurdesel]

You know I do not care to repeat myself, Red. [ Anyone else, it might be a warning. With Ruby, somehow, it has become something wryly amused. ]

[eviscerates]

( with a ridiculousness that rings of self-deprecation more than anything else, )

Oh, Captain. You know I love it when you take charge.

( because she is literally her boss
it isn't flirting
necessarily )

[fleurdesel]

I should hope so, otherwise we would have difficulty with the chain of command.

[eviscerates]

It could get awkward, right?

( aha, and that would be the sound of Ruby stopping, and starting to haul herself up the side of a crumbly ruin to get to some Blessing. Scrapes and crumbling and then the quiet catch of a knife. )

You know, back home we used to have this special dance when the Flower Moon rolled by and it was warm enough certain plants to flourish again.