But it seems as though their causal acceptance isn't of you at all, but the thing that you are able to do. They see a trick where you have endured pain- yes?
They think it's a trick, and people think that a wolf is just some useful thing you can teach yourself to be, and--
( She exhales, and there's the sound of Ruby sitting, a chair scraping. )
I don't know. I shouldn't feel this way about it. I was talking to, uh. Alistair? On the network, and I tried to explain it to Anders one time, and... honestly I think people here think I'm crazy.
Ah. Alistair thinks everything is a joke and Anders- means better but he sees magic in almost all of its forms as a gift. That someone's innate nature might cause them pain does not seem to sit well with him.
[ There's clink, a teacup resting back neatly in its saucer. ]
It is like being a mage. There is a price. You have taught yourself control but you cannot be rid of it without losing a part of yourself. Where you are from it has caused those to fear you as we are feared here.
That is not what I was saying at all, Red. For you this is a burden that you have hammered into purpose, but that does not mean it hasn't caused you harm. To have others make light of it must be painful.
( She is trying to gear up to continue the path of Relentless Optimism™, but slowly deflates with Adelaide's words. There's silence for a couple of moments. )
It's not... the best. ( Trying to sound not-hurt at this point is probably ridiculous, and yet she is staying the course. ) I just-- I'm so tired of being told what I am. Or being told that I have to choose what to be. I try to be honest about it but, um. Sometimes it seems pointless.
One day you will learn that no one will be upset with you for being upset. You are permitted to feel wounded by those that make light, especially if you have asked that they not. I will have words with Alistair.
[ At the very least, he deserves it. ]
You are what and who you are. To me, you are Red- my assistant and a dear friend. You are a wolf, you are a companion, you are invaluable.
A lot of people have it worse than me, Adelaide. I just... try to keep some perspective.
( Also she spent twenty-eight years being yelled at for negative emotion sooooo )
You don't have to have words with him, I mean-- he's just-- he was just being a guy.
( That sounds even less out of her head than in it. And a little pause, surprised. It sounds more-- more surprised than she expects, and she regrets saying it in the next moment, )
...I am not being nice to you- I am being decent. That it seems 'nice' to you is a sign of what poor company you must have kept in the past and as you well know I hold the world and myself to a higher standard.
[ Does she sound irate? Perhaps she is on Ruby's behalf, even more so than she might be against Alistair. ]
Hey, that's not fair. ( Not angry, not at all, more reasoning. ) My friends are good people. Snow and David believed in me when no one else did. And Emma saw some scared waitress and believed in her enough to give her a shot. Grumpy, he's just... like that, and...
Well, you're blonde and your name is LeBlanc, so technically... ( the joke is weak, and she knows it. )
I'm not owed anything. ( this is a faintly uncomfortable conversation, and she doesn't know why. maybe it's that whole guilt over eating people thing. really gets a girl down. )
[ Much as she does not care to repeat herself- she finds the words on her tongue all the same. ]
You are owed courtesy, dignity, and consideration by being a living, decent person. You made a mistake, how terrible. How unbearable. It is not mine to forgive but were it so, I would- carrying it about like a stone on your neck does not absolve you. Moving forward and doing better does. And with what I know of you, of your Wolf, of what you have done in your world and what you have done here? You have been better. You have earned your right to that consideration.
( Sometimes Adelaide says things and it makes her chest feel too overcrowded. Not unwelcome, some anxious rabble, but something lighter, even as there is a weight to it. Or maybe significance is the better word? Who knows.
Ruby's breath is long and slow as she absorbs that, tries to capture it, hold onto it. She's aware that it'd mean a lot from anyone, but when things come from Adelaide it's different.
At some point that might be a problem. )
Don't go making me get all sentimental, Captain. I might swoon, or something.
So long as you swoon where you'll land somewhere safe.
[ That unyielding edge to her voice drops away- teasing and making light...she can allow Ruby that. It is a difficult thing to discuss, all the more so as Adelaide...doesn't have that much experience with it. But she tries for Red and it seems worthwhile. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
crystal. timey wimey.
( she sounds Aggravated. Upset, maybe? Definitely aggravated while trying Not To Be Aggravated. )
crystal. timey wimey.
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( She sounds too frustrated, she feels whiny, and she cuts herself off. )
I mean, I should be grateful that apparently people can just take it in stride, I guess, but...
( But she's not. And she feels stupid for it, honestly. )
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[ Is that the gist? ]
What brought this about, Red?
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( She exhales, and there's the sound of Ruby sitting, a chair scraping. )
I don't know. I shouldn't feel this way about it. I was talking to, uh. Alistair? On the network, and I tried to explain it to Anders one time, and... honestly I think people here think I'm crazy.
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[ There's clink, a teacup resting back neatly in its saucer. ]
It is like being a mage. There is a price. You have taught yourself control but you cannot be rid of it without losing a part of yourself. Where you are from it has caused those to fear you as we are feared here.
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( Quiet, but there's that catch in it that tends to come before Ruby trying to gear herself back to being Totally Fine. )
But, yeah. You're right. You're totally right. It's not a big deal.
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[ Faintly chiding. ]
That is not what I was saying at all, Red. For you this is a burden that you have hammered into purpose, but that does not mean it hasn't caused you harm. To have others make light of it must be painful.
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It's not... the best. ( Trying to sound not-hurt at this point is probably ridiculous, and yet she is staying the course. ) I just-- I'm so tired of being told what I am. Or being told that I have to choose what to be. I try to be honest about it but, um. Sometimes it seems pointless.
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[ At the very least, he deserves it. ]
You are what and who you are. To me, you are Red- my assistant and a dear friend. You are a wolf, you are a companion, you are invaluable.
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( Also she spent twenty-eight years being yelled at for negative emotion sooooo )
You don't have to have words with him, I mean-- he's just-- he was just being a guy.
( That sounds even less out of her head than in it. And a little pause, surprised. It sounds more-- more surprised than she expects, and she regrets saying it in the next moment, )
Why are you so nice to me?
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[ Does she sound irate? Perhaps she is on Ruby's behalf, even more so than she might be against Alistair. ]
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( They just--
They forgot. )
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[ Nor outside of politics is she terribly interested in what may or may not be fair. ]
You are being given the courtesy and consideration you are owed, here if nowhere else.
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I'm not owed anything. ( this is a faintly uncomfortable conversation, and she doesn't know why. maybe it's that whole guilt over eating people thing. really gets a girl down. )
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[ Much as she does not care to repeat herself- she finds the words on her tongue all the same. ]
You are owed courtesy, dignity, and consideration by being a living, decent person. You made a mistake, how terrible. How unbearable. It is not mine to forgive but were it so, I would- carrying it about like a stone on your neck does not absolve you. Moving forward and doing better does. And with what I know of you, of your Wolf, of what you have done in your world and what you have done here? You have been better. You have earned your right to that consideration.
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Ruby's breath is long and slow as she absorbs that, tries to capture it, hold onto it. She's aware that it'd mean a lot from anyone, but when things come from Adelaide it's different.
At some point that might be a problem. )
Don't go making me get all sentimental, Captain. I might swoon, or something.
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[ That unyielding edge to her voice drops away- teasing and making light...she can allow Ruby that. It is a difficult thing to discuss, all the more so as Adelaide...doesn't have that much experience with it. But she tries for Red and it seems worthwhile. ]